(long account of going to bars and parties last sunday, wednesday and last night, friday which I'm not going to include because its about specific people) So the whole going to bars in London thing is coming apace, thats for sure, and I'd love more nights like last night, its an idea of london I like a lot and hadn't envisioned much before I came. But I guess thats a way in which London is with NYC Berlin and LA an amazing climate for parties, because the realm of terrain for it is huge while still manageable.
As for my research I changed my catastrophe paper topic from movies about AIDS to being about thatcher's london, it seems more manageable and anyway I have more resources at my disposal. I have a bunch of books out, some in my bookbag at Tom's place. I think I'm definitely going to start writing today and then add information from research tomorrow and Monday so that by next class I have a definite start, maybe the framework and structure, 5-10 pages written I hope? I'm reading flaubert and stendhal just kinda because, but they're not blowing my mind. I really want to read Benjamin and Deleuze and these sorts of guys. Somehow being in this particular intellectual mindstate that the consortium has put me in makes me want to just do that stuff and focus in on that theory stuff to the exclusion of almost everything else, if just because I feel like now I am making connections with it and deciphering it, and thats so exciting because I've often just felt baffled by it. Today I think I'm going to read Stendhal and relax and get an early night, obviously I didnt sleep enough because I went to bed at 5. A perfect day to read novels in my house actually. Interested in Proust, and really really excited about this french class! Met some american/lebanese who grew up in Paris, studies at the AA.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
i've decided to publish expurgated versions of my research diary here
which is a record of all my research, personal as well as academic (actually the divide is artificial)
first entry mid october
so far, my research has mostly been focussed on understanding this city itself. I read a PhD comparing iain sinclair to peter ackroyd, a short history of the east end, and am about to embark on works by ackroyd and sinclair themselves (actually, I think I've already read the latter, but OK). I'm reading flaubert both for pleasure and because his books have been on my list for a while, as well as curse readings such as Sontag, Ballard, Freud, etc. I've also been going to the british film institute to watch movies quite often, mostly gay or black movies about london, to get some idea of the sensual, emotional history of this city as opposed to the cold and overbearing history that I was familiar with before arrival (the image of London that is all imposing buildings- the tower bridge, the Big Ben, Buckingham palace, etc- that somehow in the mind's eye seem to have no people in their foreground, or if they do, royal individuals who somehow are liminal between the human and some other menacing category). I've been reading the philosophy of maurice blanchot, partly for class and also additionally (I'm now working on his 'the space of literature' to clarify his other work; I'll probably work on his colleague Jean-Luc nancy next). It's clear to me that the reason these french guys seem incomprehensible is not some assumed guise but actually, because they were a very obscure and small group who have for unknown reasons been catapulted into fame, and so they used an idiom meant for their own comprehension only, unsuspecting that future generations would eavesdrop on their thoughts. Therefore, perhaps I have to understand the framework in order to understand anything (such as the Derrida piece we were supposed to read that I didn't quite follow). The one thing hard to understand- the idea of committed marxism in the lives of serious people who nonetheless lead completely bourgeouis lifestyles. Is this contradiction great enough to force murder (eg Althusser?) I do somewhat resent these men in a Freudian way; if my psyche is based on being smart, then I feel that questioned by my inability to comprehend texts. Still, I think it's worth struggling against that emotion, it's so parochial it exists only in the context of my own psychic needs. Aside from this work, I've been glad to make friends with several fellow students, including Ross, an american architect and his wife, a mexican architect; Tom, a dutch architect; Christopher, a former san franciscan middle school teacher, who is very well read; Sami, an Iraqi Tory who interests himself in Debord consciously as a mechanism to reinforce class elitism. This city, like all cities, I found myself first revolting against the idea of it that one begins with, and finally realizing it's true. It is big, it is expensive, it is cold, it is full of english people. I've found myself a more comfortable and cheap place, a bedroom and a kitchen where I can make curry and an armchair stained with cigarette smoke that I can read in while drinking tea. I''m very excited after my diet of recent weeks to return to a healthier lifestyle; something about living with college freshman for a while makes the idea of drinking repugnant to me. I met with a HK-nese fashion design student twice, but for various reasons I don't think I want to pursue that. I feel more or less a large need for a woman or women in my life but don't know how to pursue it without that feeling of patheticness that comes from trying to fit oneself into a setting that one finds contemptible, and not even succeeding. (I had this feeling at the Hk girl, tiffany tang,'s party as I met one of her housemates, a physically attractive idiot studying law who later said things that hurt my feelings on facebook chat). It brings one back instantly to the feeling of loneliness of middle school... Anyway, so the people I really like are older than me and married; the girls I think are attractive, are probably wedged into particular social configurations that I am uninterested in. I guess I''ll have to wait for my hunger to grow strong enough that I am willing to adapt myself. So my priorities of passing this masters and not spending all my money seem in order. I need to now work on clarifying my research, making connections for future publishing, actually writing more! And meeting a woman to share this with.
first entry mid october
so far, my research has mostly been focussed on understanding this city itself. I read a PhD comparing iain sinclair to peter ackroyd, a short history of the east end, and am about to embark on works by ackroyd and sinclair themselves (actually, I think I've already read the latter, but OK). I'm reading flaubert both for pleasure and because his books have been on my list for a while, as well as curse readings such as Sontag, Ballard, Freud, etc. I've also been going to the british film institute to watch movies quite often, mostly gay or black movies about london, to get some idea of the sensual, emotional history of this city as opposed to the cold and overbearing history that I was familiar with before arrival (the image of London that is all imposing buildings- the tower bridge, the Big Ben, Buckingham palace, etc- that somehow in the mind's eye seem to have no people in their foreground, or if they do, royal individuals who somehow are liminal between the human and some other menacing category). I've been reading the philosophy of maurice blanchot, partly for class and also additionally (I'm now working on his 'the space of literature' to clarify his other work; I'll probably work on his colleague Jean-Luc nancy next). It's clear to me that the reason these french guys seem incomprehensible is not some assumed guise but actually, because they were a very obscure and small group who have for unknown reasons been catapulted into fame, and so they used an idiom meant for their own comprehension only, unsuspecting that future generations would eavesdrop on their thoughts. Therefore, perhaps I have to understand the framework in order to understand anything (such as the Derrida piece we were supposed to read that I didn't quite follow). The one thing hard to understand- the idea of committed marxism in the lives of serious people who nonetheless lead completely bourgeouis lifestyles. Is this contradiction great enough to force murder (eg Althusser?) I do somewhat resent these men in a Freudian way; if my psyche is based on being smart, then I feel that questioned by my inability to comprehend texts. Still, I think it's worth struggling against that emotion, it's so parochial it exists only in the context of my own psychic needs. Aside from this work, I've been glad to make friends with several fellow students, including Ross, an american architect and his wife, a mexican architect; Tom, a dutch architect; Christopher, a former san franciscan middle school teacher, who is very well read; Sami, an Iraqi Tory who interests himself in Debord consciously as a mechanism to reinforce class elitism. This city, like all cities, I found myself first revolting against the idea of it that one begins with, and finally realizing it's true. It is big, it is expensive, it is cold, it is full of english people. I've found myself a more comfortable and cheap place, a bedroom and a kitchen where I can make curry and an armchair stained with cigarette smoke that I can read in while drinking tea. I''m very excited after my diet of recent weeks to return to a healthier lifestyle; something about living with college freshman for a while makes the idea of drinking repugnant to me. I met with a HK-nese fashion design student twice, but for various reasons I don't think I want to pursue that. I feel more or less a large need for a woman or women in my life but don't know how to pursue it without that feeling of patheticness that comes from trying to fit oneself into a setting that one finds contemptible, and not even succeeding. (I had this feeling at the Hk girl, tiffany tang,'s party as I met one of her housemates, a physically attractive idiot studying law who later said things that hurt my feelings on facebook chat). It brings one back instantly to the feeling of loneliness of middle school... Anyway, so the people I really like are older than me and married; the girls I think are attractive, are probably wedged into particular social configurations that I am uninterested in. I guess I''ll have to wait for my hunger to grow strong enough that I am willing to adapt myself. So my priorities of passing this masters and not spending all my money seem in order. I need to now work on clarifying my research, making connections for future publishing, actually writing more! And meeting a woman to share this with.
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